


Two Xaviers and a Pigeon-ado

by Taliax



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Luxy, M/M, Pigeons, Snake Luka Couffaine | Viperion, i want nino and xy to be friends so they are, maybe not quite crack but practically, no pigeons were harmed in the writing of this fic, post-XY redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:15:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28227498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliax/pseuds/Taliax
Summary: It would be a lot easier for XY to have his real first outdoor concert if there weren't pigeons pooping all over him.
Relationships: Luka Couffaine/XY (Miraculous Ladybug), Nino Lahiffe & XY (Miraculous Ladybug), Xavier Ramier & XY (Miraculous Ladybug)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Two Xaviers and a Pigeon-ado

**Author's Note:**

> this has been barely edited lol. just really wanted to write some friendship and humor

“Great,” XY huffed, ducking behind one of his amps before a splatter of pigeon poop could plop on his jacket. 

Instead the white goop landed _on_ the amp. Gross. But it wasn’t the first time the dumb birds had attacked his stage this afternoon.

He’d tried jumping out at them and yelling. He’d tried blasting his music. (They actually seemed to enjoy that. The birds might be stupid, but they had good taste.) He’d tried swinging a mic pole up at the metal beams where they’d decided to nest. They just pecked at the microphone. (It was an interesting beat. Maybe he’d remix it and be the first artist to profit from stealing from birds. Ian from _Alvin and the Chipmunks_ had him beat on general animal profiting.)

While he was distracted imagining a trio of dancing pigeons, one of them pooped on his shoulder.

He gaped at the splatter. White on his perfect purple jacket. How was he going to get that off? Especially when he was supposed to have his concert in two hours? He never should’ve let Luka talk him into playing outdoors! That was what holograms were for!

“Oof. Might wanna get changed, dude,” Nino said as he hooked up the amp. “I mean, unless you’re going for Pigeon Poop Chic.”

XY groaned. “What’s the point? This was a stupid idea.”

Nino blinked. “It was your idea. If you wanna cancel, it’s not too late. You’ll just disappoint, oh, hundreds of fans, and a certain guitar player…”

“Shh!” XY clapped his hands over Nino’s mouth. “He could hear you!”

Nino gave a deadpan stare. But XY wasn’t going to risk it. Sure, he had his bodyguards patrolling the park, keeping everyone but his peeps out, but Luka had snuck past them before. If he could break into Roth Records, he could slip into the park in broad daylight.

Nino pushed XY’s hands away. “It’s gonna be fine, dude. Trust me. I know just where to get you a new jacket.”

With that, he winked and jogged off towards the other side of the park—leaving XY at the mercy of the world’s stupidest pigeons. Their coos mocked him. They were probably talking about how badly XY’s concert would suck… how he’d never impress Luka and whisk him off on a motorcycle ride into the sunset…

Loud begging interrupted his dramatic inner monologue.

“Please! I know it’s in there—if you’ll just let me through, I’ll be out of your feathers in no time!”

XY squinted from the stage. At the south entrance to the park, one of his bodyguards was shuffling back and forth, blocking the advances of a man in a suit and hat. XY recognized him—after living in Paris for a year, it would be impossible not to.

“Yo, Mister Pigeon!” XY leapt from the stage and sauntered over to the one man who might be able to cure his concert’s pigeon-itis. “Let him through, Kevin. He’s one of my peeps.”

His bodyguard raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told.

“One of your peeps? I’ve always thought I was more of a chirp, myself. Or on my better days, a smooth _rloo-rloo.”_ The pigeons in the park fluttered excitedly at his call. “But regardless, thank you, mister…?”

“XY.” He flashed his hand sign. No animals perked up at it. Rude. “Now, Mister Pigeon—”

The man flinched. “It’s, ah, Xavier.” 

XY blinked. “How did you know that? You got human mind-reading powers too?”

“Ah… I’m not quite sure what you mean, Monsieur XY. Xavier is my name. I prefer not to be called by akuma name…”

Huh. What were the odds that XY and Mister Pigeon—Xavier—had the same first name? 

“My bad, Mister Xavier. Does that mean you can’t help me with all these pest—uh… chirping… peeps?” XY grimaced. Like it or not, he needed the bird man’s help. Luka and Nino had taught him that offending people wasn’t the best way to get it.

“The pigeons? What did you need help with? Have they not been on their best behavior?” Xavier sounded more like a concerned parent than XY’s own dad, and he was talking about  _pigeons._

“They pooped on my jacket,” XY deadpanned.

“Ah. That is… they cannot control their bowel movements.” Xavier grimaced. “If I can find my bird call, as I came here to do, I will have them out of your feathers. I hear there is to be a concert here tonight, and I wouldn’t want them spooked by the loud music.”

“Yeah. That’s my concert.” XY puffed out his chest a bit. “XY—live in person for the very first time.”

“Oh, is it? Congratulations! I’m sure you will have a splendid time. Now about my bird call…”

They decided it would be best to split up to search the park. There were a few places that Xavier said he might have dropped it, all of which were full of feathers, birdseed, and, of course, pigeon poop. _Not_ XY’s idea of a “splendid time” at all. 

While he was sticking his head under a metal bench, Nino returned. XY conked his head on the bottom of the bench and yelped.

“Oof. Didn’t mean to startle you, dude.”

“I wasn’t startled,” XY grumbled, trying to smooth his hair back into something presentable as he faced his friend.

“It’s not neon purple, but… what do you think?” Nino held out the jacket he’d gone to get.

It wasn’t neon purple. It wasn’t purple at all. Instead, it was some kind of black leather, with silver studs alone the pockets and cuffs. A teal streak cut down the side beneath his left armpit. 

“Where’d you get this?” XY frowned. “It doesn’t look very on-brand.”

“Asked Juleka if I could borrow it. It was one of Luka’s old—”

XY snatched the jacket out of his hands and threw it on. Nino just laughed.

“That’s what I thought.” Nino grinned smugly. 

Whatever. XY was the one wearing Luka’s jacket, so hah. It was a little snug around the arms, almost like getting a hug. If a bit sweatier.

“So, what were you doing under that bench, anyway?”

Oh. “Xavier lost his bird call. Need it to get those rats with wings off my stage.”

“Xavier?” Nino’s brow furrowed.

“Pigeon Man.” _Not me,_ he didn’t answer the unspoken question.

“Oh. Huh.” Nino scratched his head over the top of his cap. “I’ll help you look, then.”

It was a good thing he did, because he was the one who eventually found the bird call fallen on the edge of the carousel. Some kid must have been playing with it before XY’s bodyguards cleared out the park.

“Oh, glorious day!” Xavier beamed when Nino returned it. The man pulled a handkerchief and a little bottle of disinfectant spray from his pocket, then cleaned the tiny instrument before holding it to his lips.

_ “Rloo, rloo!”  _

XY’s jaw dropped. “Really? That’s it? You made that same noise without the stupid bird—”

A swarm of pigeons flying overheard cut him off. Luckily none of them pooped on XY’s sexy new jacket. Kevin and Kevin stared up in shock as the flock swirled around Xavier.

“Crap, did I get him akumatized?” XY asked.

“Nah, that’s pretty normal.” Nino shrugged. “Though if Officer Raincromprix finds him like this, we might be seeing Mister Pigeon for the sixty-third time…”

“Long as it’s on the other side of town.”

With another happy _rloo-rloo,_ Xavier led the Pigeons away like a real-life pied piper. XY just dusted off his palms and grinned. 

“Looks like the concert won’t be a disaster after all. I owe you one, Nino.”

“Don’t sweat it, dude.” Nino gave him a light punch in the shoulder. “Besides, we’re not in the clear yet…”

He looked back over at the stage. Which was splattered in white poop and dusted with feathers.

XY’s shoulders slumped. “Aww man…”

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright, dude. I can pull a few more strings than just borrowing jackets.” He winked.

“You can… what do strings have to do with this?” XY pouted, and Nino laughed.

“Just trust me.”

XY did. And with the help of the friends Nino called, the stage and park were cleaned up faster than XY could say “Luka, I have an ultra mega dab backflip dab crush on you.”

...Mostly because he was still to nervous to say that. But! By the end of his jaw-dropping concert, he wouldn’t need to!

He plastered a grin on his face and thanked Nino’s friends, including the girl who’s costumes he’d stolen back in the day. Marmalade? Marinade? Ugh, he couldn’t remember her name. That was a little awkward. He offered an autographed album to make up for it, but didn’t accept. Oh well; her loss.

Everyone except for himself and Nino moved to the grassy area in front of the stage after that. They hadn’t paid admission, but XY wasn’t going to have Kevin and Kevin kick them out after they’d done him a solid. He was sexier than that by now.

The sun dipped below the skyline. Streetlamps lit up one by one in its place, casting the park in a boring, if warm, glow. XY’s laser lights added some extra panache when he flipped them on.

It was time. 

...Man, Luka’s jacket was sweaty.

“I’ve got your back, bro.” Nino clapped him on the shoulder as they stood behind the curtain. He’d be staying back here, managing the lightshow—something XY normally did when his holograms took center stage. “You just focus on belting your heart out.”

XY peered through the gap in the curtains and scanned the crowd that had gathered, but didn’t see any distinctive blue-tipped hair.

“He’s not here yet…” he mumbled.

“He’ll come. Juleka said he got called into work, but he’ll be here.”

Nino’s surprisingly serious voice gave XY confidence.

“Right, right. It would be his loss if he missed out on all of this, anyway.” He puckered his lips and struck a pose.

Nino’s cheeks were blown up like a pufferfish. Maybe he was trying to copy XY’s expression, but doing a really bad job of it? Oh well, not everyone was cut out to look this awesome.

He cracked his knuckles. Cracked his neck. Started popping every other joint he could think of before Nino cleared his throat.

“Alright, alright, I’m going.”

He swallowed his nerves and stepped through the curtain.

Cheers. Applause. It hit him like a wave; he swore it blew his hair back just a little. It left him breathless for a moment before he remembered to smile.

These people liked him. Or at least liked his music, which was close enough. Even if Luka was late, he’d give them the show they came for.

“Alright, Paris!” He called into the microphone. Wow, that was _way_ louder than it had ever been backstage. “Who’s ready to have an XY-cellent time?”

They even cheered at his pun. His father only ever gave a deadpan stare at that one.

“Cool, I mean, uh—awesome!” ‘Awesome’ was cooler than than cool, right? “I’m gonna start off with some tracks from my new album, _Real._ So uh, here we go!”

He pressed his fingers to his synth, and let the music take over.

From there, his nerves started to cool. He could do this. He did this every weekend on Luka’s boat, and just one friend’s gaze was a lot more pressure than a bunch of strangers.

Of course, it was hard to forget that Luka hadn’t shown up. And he noticed Marinade leave with a blond-haired kid that looked like the dude on all the billboards. They were probably just overwhelmed by how sexy his new music was… right?

Man, he regretted wearing this leather jacket. Even though the late summer sun had set, he was sweating so much under the neon lights. But he couldn’t stop the show. Nino’s girlfriend was recording; Luka could watch it that way later if he had to. Everything would be— 

A tornado of pigeons touched down at the edge of the park.

His voice cracked off into a scream that echoed through the speakers. That, at least, seemed to startle the spinning whirlwind of pigeons. But not for long.

Nino burst through the curtain, yanking XY back behind the stage.

“Show’s over, dude! We need to clear out until Ladybug and Chat Noir show up!”

XY swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. “Y-yeah. Don’t wanna get any more poop on me, right?”

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much of anywhere to run. Nino and XY ended up leaping from the back of the stage and crouching in the narrow space between its wheels and the ground.

As screams sounded around them, XY vaguely wondered where Kevin and Kevin were. What was the point of having body guards if they couldn’t even take care of a stupid supervillain?

He immediately felt guilty for the thought. Xavier had been nice, and he probably didn’t _want_ to send a tornado of pigeons right into XY’s concert. If only because it would be dangerous for the pigeons.

“Don’t worry, I bet it’ll only take them a few minutes,” Nino said as the wind howled above. Those were some intense pigeons. “Mister Pigeon never does too much damage…”

XY saw his speakers crunch against a tree.

“Uh. There’s a first time for everything…?”

XY desperately hummed a tune, trying to drown out the wind and Nino’s increasingly unhelpful comments. Even Luka’s sweaty jacket wasn’t enough of a comfort now.

Then, suddenly, the wind stopped. The only sound to be heard was… a harp?

“No! My beautiful pigeons! Don’t listen to that hideous music!”

After the sounds of a scuffle and more harp-playing, everything went quiet.

“Is it… over?” XY whispered.

“I didn’t see any ladybugs. They should put everything back to normal, so…?”

Footsteps approached. XY cowered back farther under the stage.

“Hello? Is someone there?” A familiar voice called, making XY wiggle back to the front.

“Luka!” He shouted, finally squeezing all the way out (and not bonking his head on the way this time). “You came—!”

Wait. XY was now standing face-to-face with… Viperion? He looked like he was blushing slightly beneath his mask.

“Where’s Luka?” XY asked. “I know I heard him out here…”

“Uh. I’m sure he’s around,” Viperion offered vaguely. “You’ll probably find him after I leave.”

“You’re not going to help us look for him?” XY gaped. Behind Viperion, Mister Pigeon was back to his normal Xavier self, so the hero shouldn’t have anywhere else to be. “He called out, he might be in trouble… or covered in pigeon poop! We have to save him!”

Viperion’s eyes twinkled in a way that would have been very sexy, if XY wasn’t already committed to his crush on Luka.

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary. But if you’ll hold onto this for me, I’ll go look for him, alright?”

Viperion held out his tiny harp, which had changed shape to make a stringed cage for the black butterfly inside.

“You’d trust me with this?” XY blinked. The butterfly looked like it could slip through the tiny “bars,” but a teal glow prevented it.

“Of course. It’s only for a little bit.” Viperion smiled softly. “Just, uh—don’t leave, okay?” 

“I’ll keep an eye on him.” Nino said, having escaped from under the stage too.

“Thanks, Nino.” Viperion saluted, than jogged off.

XY’s eyes widened. “He knows your name?”

Nino rubbed the back of his neck. “Huh… maybe he’s a fan of my soundcloud…?”

They didn’t have much time to wonder, since soon Luka was jogging towards them.

“LUKA!” XY beamed, nearly dropping the butterfly cage—well, he did drop the cage, but Nino caught it, so it was all good. Plus that left both arms free for him to throw around Luka’s neck.

“Heh. I didn’t think you’d be so happy to see me…” Luka grimaced.

“Why not?”

“Because I… well, I missed half of your concert, even though I wanted to make it so bad, I promise. I’m so sorry, XY.” It was only after the apology that Luka noticed XY’s jacket. Or rather, Luka’s jacket, on XY.

“Like it?” XY offered a shy grin before turning a full 360. “I think it’s pretty sexy.”

“Yeah…” Luka said slowly before shaking himself. “I mean, uh—it’s—sure is something.”

XY’s brow furrowed, but Nino just burst out laughing.

“Man. I get why Alya can’t stop trying to get Adrien and Marinette together now.” He put his phone in his pocket and patted XY on the shoulder. “I’m gonna go look for Ladybug to deliver this.” He shook the butterfly cage. “Alya texted and said Ladybug and Chat Noir were fighting a sentimonster by the stadium. Probably why Viperion had to help out here.”

“Thanks, Nino.” Luka smiled gratefully.

Nino tipped his cap and disappeared around the side of the stage, leaving XY and Luka in silence.

“So, uh… did the concert go well? The part you got to, anyway…”

“Y-yeah! It’s been amazing!” XY’s grin came naturally now. “You were right about performing in person. It’s like… like drinking twenty baja blasts straight, then standing under a waterfall.”

Luka blinked. “Well, that sounds… great?”

“It’ll be even better now that you’re here. Once the magic ladybugs clean everything up, anyway.”

Luka smiled again. “So you’re really not mad?”

“Nah, dude. I trust you. If you didn’t make it, I’m sure you had a good reason. Like being trapped in a tornado of pigeons.” XY examined Luka’s usual hoodie and found it feather-free. “Huh… well, I guess you weren’t in the pigeonado.”

“I was hiding. Sorry. I’m… kind of a coward.”

“Hiding? I was hiding, too!” With just a brief moment of hesitation, XY slung his arm around Luka’s shoulders. “You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about, bro. Let’s leave the tough stuff to the heroes.”

“Right.” Luka chuckled. 

Before he could do anything else, a stream of pink ladybugs swirled overhead. Instead of destroying everything like the pigeons, they put every piece of musical equipment back in place. It was beautiful to watch—not as cool as a laser light show, but pretty close.

While it all played out, Luka snaked an arm around XY’s waist.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” he said softly, not meeting XY’s eyes. “I mean, I know the ladybugs would’ve brought you back if you weren’t, but… I’m still glad.”

“Psh, like the amazing XY would go down to a bunch of pigeons.” XY bumped his shoulder. As much as he would’ve liked to stay with Luka’s arm around him forever, fans were already trickling back into the park. There would be time to sweep Luka off his feet after the concert.

“Now come on, we’ve got a show to finish!”


End file.
